Bookapalooza

Books finally unpacked in the house.  Amazon has made a small fortune.

Oxheart

Even though I live with my sister Binita, we don't see each other alot.  She has a crazy shift schedule while I have a corporate job with a CrossFit addiction.  Anywho, when I came back to the US, my sister mentioned there was a fancy new restaurant in Houston called Oxheart that was all the rage.  A week later my sweet friend Preeti mentioned she had been there and loved it.  And then the following week, one of my co-workers mentioned it too.  So, I decided to make a reservation for Binita and me as a "sisterly dinner".  I knew it had to be good if I had to book a reservation six weeks out and at 9 pm.  

Last Monday finally came.  The restaurant called me a couple of times to confirm, left a voicemail message, and sent a text (overkill).  Binita drove and was freaked out that Oxheart is in a dodgy part of Houston (north of downtown between 45 and 59) and scared that someone would key her fancy Infiniti SUV.  I told her to chill, there were other pricey cars parked next to the ditch.  We walked up and could tell there was a restaurant in the building through the windows; however, it took a while to find the wooden door.  It pisses me off when establishments don't even have a sign on the door.  For the record, it's the angled wooden door on the corner.  Not the club next door with trash bags out front.

We walked in to find a cozy restaurant with about 10 small tables and a U-shaped bar overlooking the kitchen. The host told us our table wasn't ready and offered us two uncomfortable metal chairs next to the restroom.  Again, I was pissed.  If I had to wait six weeks for a reservation, I expect my table ready when I get there.  This is Houston, people.  We saw waiters running about, the host incessantly refilling the silverware drawers, and no one really paying attention to us.  15 minutes later, a woman comes by and senses we're a bit perturbed.  She offers us a free glass of champagne to sip while we wait (of course I agree!).  10 minutes later, we're still waiting, and I'm wondering if we could just sit on the bar.  I pull the waiter over and ask him if the empty seats on the bar overlooking the kitchen are available.  He said that those seats do have the same menu as the rest of the restaurant.  I'm thinking to myself, "Well, why the hell did you not offer me these bar seats overlooking the kitchen half an hour ago when I was on time for my reservation?!?"  I almost wanted to strangle him, but the rest of the evening made up for the rough front of the house experience.  And, quite frankly sitting at the bar is a cooler experience than one of the small tables.

We got situated on the bar where we saw 6 or 7 chefs meticulously preparing every dish using forceps, a hundred different plastic containers, and other cool gadgets.  The two waitresses wearing leather aprons were lovely and definitely knew their stuff.  For wine, we ordered the 1999 Kalin Cellars Semillon.  The waitress mentioned that Oxheart is the only restaurant in all of Texas that serves this wine.  Apparently, the sommelier knew it was good stuff and bought all the bottles the vineyard had barring distributors from getting it.  It was an interesting dry, sweet wine that tasted like nothing I had ever had before.  It was darned delicious and a good choice by the waitress.

Binita and I both ordered the garden 4-course tasting menu for $49/person.  For an extra $30, you can get wine pairings for each course, but we were happy with our semillon.  Below is the menu we had, and I'll do my best to explain things from my perspective.

• warm sunflower seed soup, burnt onion, puffed rices and grains, pumpkin seeds, black tea

• heirloom carrots cooked with exotic spices and coconut, avocado, corianders

• cauliflowers cooked in different ways, raisins and currants, brown butter, mustards

rye bread and sunchoke pudding sweetened with molasses, yogurt, and strawberries.

First course was that sunflower seed soup.  That was the most flavorful, potent soup I've ever had, and it's incredible that emulsified sunflower seeds are the base.  There were some intense flavors and all sorts of textures going on in that dish.  And the chef comes out and pours the soup in your bowl from a tea kettle explaining the 50 dry ingredients at the bottom of the bowl.  The soup actually was my least favorite course because it aggravated a sore I had on the edge of my tongue.   It's also a very heavy soup and surprisingly filling.  Oxheart usually swaps out items on the menu every month based on what's in season, etc.  This soup has been on the menu six months.  So, even though I didn't care for it that much, others obviously do.

The chef brought out warm, soft mini English muffins with spiced butter/lard after the first course. YUMMY!!

Second course was a beautiful montage of carrots sourced locally.  They base was a stack of seasoned carrot chunks covered in a yummy puree with carrot disks and flowers meticulously placed on top with forceps.  My description isn't the best because it's hard to explain, but boy howdy that dish was yummy.   This was my second favorite course.  And again, it is surprisingly filling.

Third course was cauliflower cooked several ways in brown butter.  I normally hate cauliflower, but man, that dish was damn delicious.  Binita and the waitress say it's because of the brown butter.  I would eat that cauliflower dish any day of the week.  And, it's a sign of a good chef if he can get guests to like things they normally don't.

Last course was a slightly savory dessert of rye bread pudding.  No lie, it looked a little gross, but I did think it was an appropriate end to the meal.  And, the whipped yogurt and caraway-infused strawberries were amazeball.  Because I was SO full, I couldn't finish dessert.  Lesson for next time, pace yourself and save some space in your tummy for the end.

At the end of the meal, the chef brought out some chocolate spiced hazelnuts that were to die for.  I asked the waitress how they were made, and she said the chef's secret was to put extra salt in the dish to contrast the sweetness.  At that point, I wanted to jump out and say, "I know!  I know!  That's what I do with all my desserts too!!  Case in point, compost cookies."  But, Binita was giving me the evil eye that we needed to get home since it was almost midnight.  

Overall, I enjoyed Oxheart because it was a food adventure.  This place is all about food and reminded me of the El Bulli case we discussed in my first year Marketing course at London Business School.  El Bulli was a restaurant in the Catalan region of Spain and started by Ferran Adria.  It was named the best restaurant in the world a record five times and is said to have pioneered molecular gastronomy with it's food lab in Barcelona.  El Bulli  was only open a few months a year, a two hour car drive away into the middle of nowhere, and next to impossible to get a reservation at.  But, it was a foodie's Mecca.  El Bulli actually closed in 2011, and Ferran came to LBS and HBS to ask students to help him come up with a new business model for his culinary talent as a student competition.  Unfortunately, I couldn't participate as my school life was already packed.   One of the takeaways from that Marketing case discussion was that an optimal customer experience can vary, and customers can't always articulate what they want.  Getting a reservation and traveling to El Bulli was a pain in the ass, but that added positively to the customer experience paradoxically.  And, when it came to the food, no one walked away disappointed.  Again, El Bulli focused on what it was good at: food.  My experience at Oxheart reminded me of El Bulli.

I actually saw a fab TED talk yesterday that echoed this concept.  It's by Dan Ariely, the author of "Predictably Irrational".  I had heard of the book in my Incentives in Organizations elective at LBS, but I haven't gotten around to reading it because my "to read" queue is forever backed up.  Anywho, I highly recommend watching this TED talk!  One of the best parts is where he talks about IKEA furniture that takes forever to assemble.  The effort that goes into building my IKEA furniture actually makes me like it better!  The cake mix example is so great too...haha!  See it here: http://www.ted.com/talks/dan_ariely_what_makes_us_feel_good_about_our_work.html

Back to Oxheart, I think there's a similar reason why I enjoyed the experience.  I had to wait six weeks to get a reservation, deal with some bad service upon arrival, shell out $150 for the evening, etc.  But, I take pride and am happy because that experience was authentic and had meaning.  To have and see the chef owner meticulously place flowers on my carrots with forceps made me feel like I was the only person in Oxheart, and his willingness to answer all my foodie questions revealed his expertise and passion.   People don't buy what you sell, they buy why sell it.  I walked out of Oxheart physically very full and emotionally inspired.

The very next day, the New York Times actually reviewed Oxheart and another Houston hotspot called Underbelly.  Read about them here: http://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/10/dining/reviews/making-houston-a-dining-destination.html?pagewanted=all

Payal Style

A few years ago, I had the opportunity to meet the famous and highly regarded Mrs. Moneypenny (her real name is Heather) at a TEDx event in London.   I was still new to Britain, without a television, and  preferred to read the WSJ over the FT each morning, so I wasn't aware of her celebrity at the time.  In any case, I was able to impress her unknowingly with my TED talk, and recently she was very generous in offering me some advice as I'm hunting for the right next career move.   I feel very lucky that I had that privilege, and this blog post is to share some of the privilege to the 5 people that actually read this blog (haha).   It's based on some thoughts I stewed over after reading Mrs. Moneypenny's Careers Advice for Ambitious Women and my own operating strategies of being a woman in a man's world.   Everyone needs to develop their own "style" taking things that work for them and borrowing ideas from others.  This is my "Payal style".

Confidence matters.  Alot.  Men tend to carry themselves with more confidence than women.  I don't know precisely why, but from my sample of classmates, friends, and co-workers, it's clear to see.  This confidence thing is an uphill battle I'll likely face the majority of my career.  But, at least I'm more aware of it, and can work to boost it in situations that matter.   Saw this a few weeks ago on Pinterest, and it's my new motto.

Theory #1.  I have a theory that you're an average of the 5 people you hang out the most with.  The company you keep speaks of you as well, so make sure you surround yourself and spend time with people whose values are similar to your own and will make you a better person.

Accept that life's not fair.  In 2010, a report was published by Huran listing the top 20 self-made women billionaires.  11 out of the 20 were from China.  There are a couple of contributing factors including high GDP growth in China, a culture that values ambition and hard work, and one special thing that I hadn't thought about before: cheap and stigma free childcare.  In America, it's much more difficult to outsource your home life, and I for one wouldn't ever want to.   That means I'm going to have to dial down my career at some point.

Be gracious.  One of my favorite Directors that I worked with is a woman named Courtney.  She once paraphrased a quote (I think by Laura Bush?) that has always stuck with me, and something I try to live my life by.  Forgive the inaccurateness of it, but it goes something like "True grace is making anyone, no matter what stage of life they're in, feel comfortable."

Everyone has to eat.  As a sophomore at Texas A&M, I was a student leader/mentor in a prestigious freshmen leadership organization called ASSIST.   I had 64 freshmen that I looked after, helped, and invested time in so that they would not only have a great college experience but also grow as leaders.  This was a life changing experience for me (and alot of fun), but it was an incredible time suck.  A guy in the class ahead of me named Brian gave some advice over a campfire handover session that has always stuck with me.  He said that while this experience would be incredibly time consuming for me the following year, remember that everyone has to eat, exercise, study, shop, do laundry, etc.  And, you should take others to do those things with you.  I've found this advice to be incredibly effective for me over the years.  In college, I ended up taking freshmen to go to the grocery store with me, go run around campus, or spend evenings in the library together.  What we did mattered less than the fact that I wanted to spend time and invest in them. Over the years, I've adapted this to my professional and grad student life.   I think it also brings a sense of genuineness and realness to relationships.  While I do enjoy going out to a fancy cocktail lounge or club in London, sometimes I'd much rather go explore apartments or help a friend prepare for a salary negotiation.

Get your rear in gear.  And go join a gym or sports team.  Physical fitness makes me feel better and is an endorphin rush.  Going for a run is how I de-stress and think about things.  And, my new favorite fitness programme CrossFit also helps build confidence and gives me a sense of community.  I feel all women should carve out at least 3 hours a week for physical activity.

Read something.  All. The. Time.  I have very low tolerance for people who don't read.  I'm busy, but I always have a book (fiction and non-fiction).  Reading helps me continue learning and "escape".  I think it also gives me interesting things to add to conversations.  I love trading book recommendations with friends.

Pay it forward.  I'm blessed to have a number of champions and mentors that have watched out for me over the years.  I can never repay them for the profound impact they've had on me, but I can pay it forward to the next generation.  Mrs. Moneypenny had a great saying for this targeted at females, "There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women." Amen, sister.

Be proactive.  An incredible Managing Director I used to work with named Chuck mentioned something to me in my first month working out of college that has always stuck.  He said that I should be proactive in managing relationships with professional colleagues.  In his words, "The relationship has to be there before you need it."

Accept that men will not cross-stitch.  Some of my hobbies like painting and cross-stitching are very girly.  No man will ever want to do those things as a company outing or social event.  Develop (or at least attempt to develop) an interest in their hobbies.  It turns out I actually love playing poker, and I'm glad I learned the game in business school while playing with a good group of friends in a weekly small buy-in game.   I suck at golf (and managed to hit my study group mate Pete in the face with a golf club...not my finest hour), but eventually I'll get there and progress past the driving range.  I've always loved American football and joined my business school classmates in a fantasy football league this year.  My good buddy Sheldon (aka Mr. Whippy) came up with this great idea as a mechanism for us to all keep in touch given that we're spread over several continents.  It's been great to play fantasy football with them (and I have a great team that is dominating the league!).  They've been very accepting of me being the only female in our league too.  I think women sometimes play the "they won't accept me in their realm" card too hastily.

Ask for favors. I learned this in my Paths to Power class (GREAT class!) at London Business School.  Men are much more comfortable and willing to ask for favors, negotiate salaries, request special treatment, etc.  Women need to do this too (in our own unique ways).  We played a game in Paths to Power that has always stuck.  Essentially, we were put into breakout rooms with 10 people.  Each person wrote two things they needed help with on Post Its and then placed them on the outline of a giant circle drawn on a white board.  The Post Its had everything from requests for interview help to places to live to asking for a coffee during the break.  The students then drew lines from their names in the center to those they could help.  Once all the Post Its were cleared off, you could see the end result was a giant web.  Humans systematically underestimate others' willingness to help, AND we underestimate the happiness that performing favors gives them.

Know the PIE equation.  I went to a fabulous London Business School / Committee of 200 conference recently.   An accomplished fellow woman from the South named Tanya Fratto mentioned something to me that has stuck.  She had a very distinguished career at GE and told us how GE folks use the PIE equation for career progression.  Performance. Image. Exposure.  Each is equally important, and women should not only focus on the P.  Performance will not take you to the top, and the sooner females become comfortable playing organizational politics, the better.  Also, they can demonstrate organizational savviness in the their own unique way.  Tanya gave the anecdote of how a macho man questioned her ability to turnaround a GE plant in small town America.  Tanya coyly remarked that she was selected because she knew how to shoot guns and drove an F-250.   When put into situations like that, women can either get defensive and go into heinous bitch mode or react in a lighthearted way and win people over.

You cannot have your cake and eat it too.  I've always strived to be a renaissance woman of sorts, and I have an unrealistic belief that I'll be able to balance a career, family, personal development, etc.  Mrs. Moneypenny drives home this point that you can't have it all.  List your priorities and make decisions based on them.  You will have to say "no" and disappoint others.  I believe there's alot of merit in this, but it's incredibly difficult for me to do. 

A Helping of The Help

I'm back in London and finished reading Kathryn Stockett's book "The Help" last week.   I highly recommend it to everyone.

It's a fictional story about the lives of African American housekeepers in the South (U.S.) in the 1960's.   This is Stockett's first book, and like Harper Lee, she's written a masterpiece on racial tensions through the lives of everyday individuals.  "The Help" is what I call an "all emotions" book because it will make you laugh, cry, wonder, get mad, etc.  And those are the best kinds IMO because they mirror our own reality.

The format of the book is quite clever.  Stockett's protagonist Skeeter is an aspiring writer who teams up with the African American help in Jackson, Mississippi to secretly write a tell-all book about what it's like to work for their white employers.

It's interesting how in an unequal world, there could be so much love and hate between whites and blacks.   And through it all, African Americans persevered.  There's a shocking moment when readers find out about the Terrible Awful, but I couldn't help myself but to cheer for Minny in her act of retribution towards evil Hilly.

I don't think "The Help" is a story about the South.  I think it's a story about humanity.  We have a peculiar tendency to create artificial lines.  And this is true around the world.  In India, there was the caste system.  In South Africa, there was apartheid.  Even in London, a city sometimes called the capital of the world, there are unspoken feelings that Eastern Europeans are lower class.   Why do we do this?

I don't know the answer.  But my hypothesis is that we create barriers and put other people in boxes because it allows us to more quickly understand the world.  Humans often rely on deductive reasoning, meaning we make conclusions based on generalizations.  And we also think and learn in analogies.  This can help us quickly indentify what Little Samuel's parents do, what kind of car they drive, and where they live based on outward appearances.  It doesn't make it right though.

What's the solution?  This terrible problem we have isn't something that will go away in my lifetime, I believe. The best solution is a mindset.  If we individually start treating people like people instead of treating them as X people or Y people, it'll be a start.

I like to know what the author's motivation is when reading their work.  Stockett grew up in Jackson and was inspired to write this book based on her own childhood experience.  In the acknowledgement section, she wrote, "...my belated thanks to Demetrie McLorn, who carried us all out of the hospital wrapped in our baby blankets and spent her life feeding us, picking up after us, loving us, and thank God, forgiving us."